Welcome to The Travel Transformation Podcast, the podcast where we talk all things travel and all things transformation. I'm your host, Jessica Grace Coleman – but you can call me Jess – and I just want to apologise if you can hear… there's a washing machine in the background and I can kind of hear it in the pipes. I don't know if you'll be able to hear it, but I just wanted to point that out. If you're wondering what the noise is in the background, that will be what it is.

So, before we get going today, I just wanted to remind you that I have a free guide for you guys. If you haven't already got it, you can go to traveltransformationcoach.com/transformationguide and you can get my free guide: ‘Ten Ways You Can Transform Through Travel (even when you can't travel). So I've talked about this before on the podcast a little bit, but I go more in-depth in this guide. So if you want to get that, again, head to traveltransformationcoach.com/transformationguide. I'll put that in the show notes as well. 

And yeah, today I wanted to talk about a couple of things. So the first thing kind of leads into the second, and the first thing is that I went on a trip to Wales last week with two of my best friends. 

I've talked about a Wales trip before, with the same two friends, that I did last year. We did that in the summer rather than the autumn, and I talked about it on the podcast because I sort of unplugged for a week, more or less.

And after that I got loads of downloads and epiphanies all about my business and what I wanted to do and all that kind of stuff. That's actually episode number four. So this is a while ago now: ‘How unplugging and getting back to nature can help you achieve your goals.’ And if you want to listen to that, you can head to traveltransformationcoach.com/4 and you'll find all the info for that episode. 

So this was a similar idea, going away for a week with my two friends, Ruth and Vicki, and just to get away from it all really. We gravitate towards Wales. It's not far to get to from my hometown, if that's where I'm coming from, though it’s little bit further from Vicki's house because she lives in Cambridge. So she got the train to my hometown and I picked her up from the train station. 

And, yeah, a bit of a drama because my car, bless it, it's amazing – it’s my nan's car – but it is getting on a bit now and it's had issues with the battery and loads of other stuff in the past. And I picked Vicki up, we got a Starbucks at the station – first eggnog latte of the season, amazing – and we got some food because it was lunchtime. And then I went and parked in Tesco car park so we could eat before heading off to Wales.

And we ate, we had our nog, and I put the destination in the satnav in my phone, and then I turned the car to come on and it was just chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck, the death rattle of the dead engine. And I was like, well, we got far, we got like two minutes’ drive from the train station. 

So, yeah, I tried to phone my breakdown cover people, the longest automated message in the history of the world, so I was still going on that when my brother phoned me. And he lives nearby and he went and bought a battery and came and fitted it for me, in the rain, while I sat in Tesco car park with my friend Vicki. So thank you very much to my brother for doing that. 

We were then able to head off to Wales. I was so worried that if I stopped it might not start again that we drove the whole way there. It was nearly three hours and usually we have at least two toilet breaks in that time because we drink all the eggnog lattes and then need the bathroom. But we powered through and we just drove straight there. Yeah, luckily, touch wood, it's been fine since, so the new battery did the trick. But thank you Dave for that. 

So, yeah, it was just a week away. We went to Bethesda in North Wales, which is near Bangor, and we rented… it wasn't an Airbnb, it was from a different rental place. The main thing that we have when we look for these places is a hot tub. We sort of treat ourselves to a hot tub every time we go away together. So it had a nice hot tub on the deck looking out over the mountains.

Like I say, it was autumn when we went and it rained maybe 80 or 90% of the time, but that was fine. It also meant that the autumn trees were all out and it looked amazing. I was driving through… I'm going to say all these places totally wrong. I know it's not Betws-y-Coed, I know there's a Welsh pronunciation that is nothing like that, but that's how we're calling it.

And driving through from Bethesda to Betws-y-Coed with all the leaves on the trees, I really thought that I was in New England – like they were that vivid and amazing. So very happy that we went during autumn despite the terrible weather. 

And, yeah, we chilled out. We read a lot. We watched some Hallmark-style Christmas movies, which is our kind of guilty pleasure. Including one terribly acted one which was so hilarious it made us laugh until we cried. So that was very fun. We had hot chocolate. We went in the hot tub.

It was raining all the time we were in the hot tub, so we decided to invest in some very fetching umbrella hats. Like multicoloured rainbow umbrella hats. They just sit on your head so you can sit in the hot tub when it's raining. The first time, I had my bobble hat on, and it was soaked – and it was almost hail at one point, and we were just sitting in the hot tub laughing at how ridiculous we were.

But, good views. We had this tree right outside the house that these… I think there were crows… had their daily meeting in every day. The tree was just filled with them. It was like something out The Birds. Very spooky, very cool. 

And, yeah, we just chilled out. We did a bit of exploring. We went to the beach. We went to Anglesey. A funny thing happened on that beach. We were on our way to look at the lighthouse. I can't remember what it's called at the moment – very nice lighthouse in Anglesey. They have lots of them. And we were walking along the beach and this soaking wet border collie ran over to my friend Ruth, pushed himself in between her legs from behind, sort of took her by surprise a little bit, and proceeded to dry himself off on my friend's coat and jeans while I was just standing there laughing in hysterics because it was a very funny sight.

This dog did not give a flying eff. It was just like, Yep, I need to do this, you're here. The owner did run over eventually and was like, ‘Watch out, he's wet!’ And Ruth was like, ‘I know!’ He ran over to me and did the same and then gave us a look, as in, suckers! And then ran off.

And it was very, very funny. Anyway, I laughed at that almost as much as I laughed at the terrible film. I won't say what film it is because I feel bad because, obviously, a lot of work goes into every film that gets made. But it was particularly terrible acting, which just made it amazing. Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent. 

We also went leaf-peeping, like I say. We went to Swallow Falls, the waterfall. Betws-y-Coed. Nice shops there. I know I'm not saying it right. Bethesda High Street… we went in this little ceramics place and bought some Bethesda-made mugs. Very nice. Got a lot of postcards and things like that. Oh, we went to a few different places. I'm going to completely forget all of them now. I should look at my notes. But yeah, we had a nice time.

I didn't unplug completely; I did about an hour's work a day just because I had to do some admin and emails, keep on top of stuff and do things for this podcast and stuff like that. I didn't feel like I could completely switch off for the week, which was slightly annoying. 

And I did go there to rest and it was attached to another building right next to us and the person there had a grand piano or something right next to my bedroom, playing Greensleeves on it, like eleven at night and then eight in the morning. And yeah, I was just like, I could really do with a lie-in. I know 08:00 am is a lie-in for a lot of people, but I was on holiday, I wanted to chill out.

Anyway, it was very nice in general, we had a great time. But one particular thing… it didn't really happen, nothing really happened… but it made me think of something that I turned into an email for my mailing list, the Intentional Travel Club. And if you get the guides I mentioned at the start of this podcast episode, then you will be added to my list and you'll be getting those weekly emails – if you want them. You can unsubscribe if you wish; I would take no offense! 

And yeah, it got me thinking… because this was on the same beach, before the dog incident. We walked along the beach and then we walked out onto this little sort of mini peninsula thing on the way to… there were actually two lighthouses at the end and there was one bit where we were all taking pictures, me and my friends. There were grassy meadows, bits of rock, a beach in the distance, the sea. It was a really nice picture and I was trying to get an amazing photo of it on my phone, but you know when you're in the wrong position in the sun and my shadow was just taking up half of the picture and I was like, oh man, this is so annoying.

It was like the perfect picture, but all you can see is my shadow. And I joked to my friends, ‘Oh look, there's me again, getting in my own way.’ And it made me think – not then, because we were having a nice time – but afterwards, I was just thinking of all the ways I get in my own way, just like I got in my own way of that photo.

And I'm sure a lot of people listening to this can relate, whether it's work-wise, relationship-wise, going after your goals and ambitions, going after your dreams, anything like that. 

I'm sure we all self-sabotage in our own ways.

I think it's a universal struggle. We stand in our own light, we block the magic we could be experiencing, we ruin the picture. A lot of this stuff can be in terms of neglecting self-care, falling into unhealthy habits, or procrastinating on important tasks.

And I do all of these. I know I should exercise more, I know I should eat better, I know I should look after myself more because then I'd have more energy to go after my dreams and do all the stuff I want. I know I self-sabotage in other ways as well, by not putting myself out there, by not doing the things I know I need to do to get to the next level in my business, all that good stuff.

And yeah, this photo made me think of it, and then I thought, maybe I'd open this up to you guys. So anyone listening to this, you probably know inherently that you self-sabotage on different levels. But how often do you actually sit with it, think about it, identify these things you're doing to stop yourself getting to the next level, and actually do something about it?

And it can be something as simple as… you might enjoy a glass of wine, like every night or every few nights or whatever, just to unwind after work, and that's fine. But as I get older, I find that even one glass of wine or one glass of something makes me feel really not great the next day. It might not be a huge thing, like, you don't have to be hungover, but I don't sleep as well if I've been drinking even a glass of something. And that makes me more irritable the next day. It makes my energy levels go down. 

Same thing if I'm having too much sugar, if I'm not eating well, if I'm not exercising… I have a back issue, and if I don't stretch enough, then I can get up in the morning and feel like I'm like 90 years old, which is not good because I'm actually 37.

So I know there are little things each day that I either should be doing to get to the next level or to just have the basic energy levels I need to get going on what I want to achieve. So I thought I would look at how self-sabotage can manifest, and maybe you can identify some of these in your own life, maybe you can see yourself in them. 

And I think the first key to solving this, the first one is actually identifying them and admitting them. We don't want denial here. 

So one is procrastination, so you could be putting off important tasks at work, missing deadlines and avoiding responsibilities, which can limit your professional growth in terms of going after your goals. You could be delaying actions necessary to achieve those goals, which can lead to missed opportunities and unfulfilled aspirations. Relating hard. 

Number two is imposter syndrome. So you can undermine your own achievements, feel unworthy of any success you do get, which might make you self-sabotage. The next time you have a chance to be successful at something, fearing exposure as a fraud can hinder your career progression. 

I get this. I think a lot of creatives get imposter syndrome, thinking, who am I to be teaching anyone anything about this? But as a lot of people say – including Amy Porterfield, who's one of my online mentors – all you need is a 10% edge. If you have 10% more knowledge or experience than the Average Joe, then people can learn from you, they can learn from your experience, they can learn from your knowledge. So you don't have to be the biggest expert in the world.

There's fear of failure. Number three. You can avoid challenging projects or promotions at work due to fear of failure, and same with going after your goals. You cannot take risks or not pursue your goals because of the fear of falling short. And this in turn limits your personal and professional growth. Again, relating hard.

Four, negative self-talk. If you're constantly criticising yourself – even if you don't realise you're doing it – if you're talking to yourself in a kind of negative way or reminding yourself of things in the past you've done that weren't great or didn't work out, that is a big self-sabotaging thing that I think everyone does. 

Lacking self-care, like I said, number five. Ignoring your physical and mental well-being can result in burnout – again, relating hard – decreased productivity and strained relationships, professional or otherwise.

And lack of self-care can be so much stuff. It can be not getting enough sleep, not getting enough exercise, not getting enough fresh air. It can be eating the wrong things, drinking too much, smoking too much, whatever your vice is, so that can cover lots of stuff.

Six is perfectionism, which you might not think about, but that really is a self-sabotaging tool if you never put anything out there because you fear it's imperfect, when really there's nothing actually perfect in the world anyway. And setting unrealistically high standards for yourself that you'll never achieve – it will set you back in terms of your mindset and in terms of what you actually do end up achieving. 

Number seven, comfort zones. Getting stuck in your comfort zone, that can be a big self-sabotaging thing that we all do. We don't go after new opportunities because they're too scary, so we just stick with the familiar and never actually grow, which I have definitely done for many years. 

Number eight is people-pleasing. So this can actually be a really bad thing if all you're trying to do is people-please and you neglect your own self and your own goals and ambitions because of it. 

Nine, lack of boundaries. Again, failing to establish healthy boundaries at work, or in your life in general, can lead to burnout and compromising your goals. Not good. 

And number ten is self-comparison. Comparing yourself to others, especially on things like social media, can make you feel inadequate and can make you feel like you're a failure, like you haven't achieved anything in your life. Can you tell I'm talking from experience here? 

Yeah. Just stop comparing yourself to others. They're on a completely different timeline to you. They might have completely different goals to you. And if you do compare yourself to others and find yourself lacking in your own mind, then that can lead to self-sabotage of all kinds of things, because you never think you're going to get there. 

So, how can we overcome these self-sabotaging behaviours? Like I say, I think the first thing is to actually identify that we have them, that we do them, and identify what they actually are.

Number one of how do we overcome these is to cultivate self-awareness, like I just said. So identify the patterns of self-sabotage as well as what you do and identify what triggers them. Because, like I say, it might be scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to someone else. And then you can actually regularly reflect on these thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. 

Number two is to set realistic goals. So, like we said before, if you're a perfectionist and you set really unrealistically high standards for yourself, we need to stop doing that and break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks. Also, celebrate small victories to boost your confidence and motivation. That's something I should do, but I don't. 

Three is: challenge perfectionism. So embrace the concept of progress, not perfection. And I know that's easier said than done if you're a perfectionist yourself. 

Four is: cultivate a positive mindset. So try to replace that negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Again, easier said than done, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. 

Five is to develop healthy habits. So replace your rubbish like self-care with good self-care, prioritise sleep, nutrition and exercise, and establish routines that contribute to both your physical and mental well-being. 

Number six is to face your fear of failure. I talk about this so much: failure isn't inherently bad. It teaches us things, it makes us grow, and we shouldn't be fearing it; we should be going out there and facing it. 

Number seven is: establish boundaries. Like I said, this is one of the things we need to learn to do, to say no so we don't overcommit ourselves. I can really relate with this and, yeah, just get used to communicating your boundaries assertively but politely. 

Eight is: seek support. So, share your goals and challenges with people you trust and surround yourself with a supportive network that encourages growth, but doesn't encourage all the unhealthy habits we were talking about.

Nine is to break free from comparison. So, if you know that one of your triggers is scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to other people, maybe try to stop doing that. I know, again, easier said than done, but again, it's a habit that we can cultivate.

And ten is: visualise your success. So create a clear mental image of your goals and the steps needed to achieve them – and then anything that doesn't head towards that, you can ditch, basically. Obviously, add in time to relax and to get away from it all – to go to Wales and sit in a hot tub in the rain, or whatever you need to do.

But keep that in mind and maybe when you go to have your third glass of wine, think, is this going to help me tomorrow, my future self? Or is it going to keep my energy levels low? 

So, yeah, just remember that overcoming self-sabotage, I think, is something we all have to work on. It's a gradual process. I'm sure setbacks will occur, but just be patient and compassionate with yourself and celebrate any progress you make along the way – and I encourage you to do that in life and in business and whatever you're doing anyway.

And, of course, if you do have self-sabotaging behaviours that persist and that are really, really holding you back in life, you can always seek professional guidance from a therapist or a counsellor who will be able to help you through it and hopefully help you build healthier habits to help you in the future. 

So, yeah, I just wanted to go over that, my Wales trip, the realisation I had when I was taking that photo, me standing in my own way again, which led to me looking at where I'm standing in my own way in my life. And, yeah, spoiler alert, I am standing in my way a lot in every single area of my life right now, so that is something I need to work on.

And I just wanted to bring it up in case there's something you need to work on but you hadn't really thought about it, or you hadn't taken the time to really sit and identify the patterns and come up with ideas of how to get over them. So I hope this helped. 

If it did, let me know. You can DM me on Instagram @traveltransformationcoach or you can email me at info@traveltransformationcoach.com. I'd love to hear all about your self-sabotaging behaviours and how you plan to overcome them – or how you've overcome them in the past. 

And, yes, please let me know if you have any recommendations for anywhere in Wales with a hot tub. I'm always looking for somewhere; we’re probably going to go again next year. So, yes, please let me know that. 

And, until next time, I'll catch you on the flip side, bye!

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